MFDH: Shiplove

Shiplove
by M atthew Frederick Davis Hemming
July 2002

Altogether different from the recently discussed issue of boy-lovers, shiplove is what happens when someone, usually a boy or man, falls in love with the shape, majesty and presence of a certain craft -- be it a tall-ship, a galleon, a battleship, a schooner, a combat-jet, a zeppelin, or, my personal favourite, a space-ship of some kind.

I am not in the habit of falling in love with ships much anyone -- really haven't done so since I was a much younger lad...

But I confess that the throaty rumble and the shining contours of the Royal Naboo Cruiser from Episode II leave me a little weak in the knees.

What do you do when you're in love with a ship?

Well, when I was younger I would draw the ship a lot. My first love was with a ship called the Argo (I'm pretty sure -- I might be wrong about the name of the ship) which was a renovated World War II gunship converted (via "wave-motion technology") into the fabulous starship at the heart of the 1970s anime series "StarBlazers." In junior kindergarten I would hog all of the construction paper and crayons for my endless scribblings that to me represented somehow that cool ship.

My next love was also Japanese: the ship-robot combination that was Grandizer (spelling uncertain), which was one of the "Force Five" cartoons. I spent many hours rendering Grandizer in Lego, until my brother sat on my masterpiece.

At twelve years old I was fairly certain that the most elegant iteration of the starship Enterprise was the one they designed for "The Motion Picture" in 1978. I bought the AMT-ERTL model of this ship, and painted it up all fancy with that pearlescent coat featured in the movies. As a drunken teenager I would later accidentally pass out on top this model, breaking it beyond repair.

So now I'm twenty-seven, and I have a child on the way, and I'm seized by a strong desire to have a version of that beautiful Royal Naboo Cruiser for my very own...

I've dug through the web like my cat through yesterday's litter, and there doesn't seem to be anyone distributing or planning to distribute a model or toy replica of the Royal Naboo Cruiser. Most of the manufacturers seem to be reacting as if they were badly stung by the fiasco of warehouses full of unsold Episode I merchandise (anyone want a Darth Maul disposable watch?).

Now, I haven't built an actual model since I was pubescent, so I'm not against the idea of just buying a toy of this ship. I can find a toy of the Royal Naboo Starship from Episode I, but that's it. Perhaps this should give me hope that the Cruiser will be issued similarly, but I doubt it: kids don't tend to be as excited about ships that get blown up five minutes into the movie.

Man, I haven't had the hots for a ship like this in ages. What can I do? I can't waste time building 3D models of it -- I'm already wasting enough time making this diary entry (semi-justified by the fact that I'm waiting for CD-ROM archives to unpack). Still, if I had a virtual model of it it would be better than nothing...Anyone out there want to custom model me a Royal Naboo Cruiser? .OBJ? .DXF? .3DMF? .FACT? Anything?

Would it be creepy if I wrote fan-mail to Ben Burtt, the sound-designer on Episode II? The Royal Naboo Cruiser makes the coolest sound since the Millennium Falcon, in my personal opinion.

...Okay -- back to reality. Gotta work.

Jeeze louise, I sure am a frickin' geek. Mercy!